Dum dee dum

I think expensive clothes are a joke.

I feel like spending loads of money on silly things like really really expensive flats like the Ferragamo Flats up there. Very awesome picture, but $440 for a pair of shoes? It makes me sick!

So much good with the money that we waste on expensive things.

Unless you're buying...

But even then, Birkenstocks only run about $100 a pair (which in my book is extremely expensive.)

The good news is that I'm in love with these shoes and have 2 pairs. I know, I know. I'm a hippie. If you would've told 15 year old me that I would wear birkenstocks, I would've laughed and kicked dirt on you with one of my multiple pairs of slip-on vans. "Don't joke," I would say.

Now, I'm an 18 year old woman, I wear birkenstocks and cardigans and I wear hardly any makeup. OH! And my hair (although not natural at the moment) is currently a shade that hair really does grow in.

On a Christmasy note, I only have a few more presents to wrap. One more present to buy, but it'll just be a quick trip to the yarn store (hurray!)

I have a little cleaning to do and a lot of pestering my parents to let me open a present early.

I suppose I'm not a convincing adult all the time. :)

Merry Christmas!

Thankyou Jesus for coming to save us!

We adore you. :)

My Day of Domesticity

Being domestic is something that is completely appealing to me. I wish I could be a stay at home wife/mom. :) Someday!

So, i'm currently standing in my kitchen, listening to Jon Foreman, and smelling a delicious dinner on the stove that was my very own creation.

It all started with "Honey-Balsamic Chicken" That sounds easy enough. I have all of those things (or so I thought.) Well, it turns out that I didn't have honey! My family has had a surplus of honey for the last few years so I figured OF COURSE! i'll have honey. But surprisingly, no. I have come to the end of my honey surplus.

So, instead of a honey balsamic glaze, it turned into a maple balsamic glaze (Thanks for the suggestion, Mom) It turns out that simmering maple syrup and balsamic vinegar doesn't thicken like honey. So, glaze turned into marinade.

I didn't have thyme, so I used Marjoram leaves for the herb rub. Thanks, Yahoo Answers.

Then, I thought, I should add orange juice! So I cut an orange in half and squeezed it on my chicken.

I suddenly had a great thought. I should TASTE what I'm making! Brilliant!

So I tasted.....and...it wasn't so great. Kind of tart & weird with the orange.

Brown sugar. I added brown sugar, poured my glaze in the pan to simmer with the chicken,

and then I tasted it.

Delish!

I think Jesus really saved my butt on this one. I think he supernaturally made it taste good.

:)

The bummer now is that no one is home yet to eat it! It was done 10 minutes before anyone got off! So the chicken and wild rice are simmering on the stove, waiting to grace the plates and fill the bellies of those I love. Chris and my parents will be home soon.

What a treat to serve them in this wonderfully domestic way.

Oh, I knit today, too! I've made 3 hats in the last 4 days and I'm working on a scarf. :)

Ah, the joys of being a crafty, domestic woman.

Praise the Lord!

NOTE

Chris is currently eating it and says it's delicious. SUCCESS!!

I have a best friend. I love her dearly.

This is a message for her.

Every part of you is beautiful.

You are a most amazing, unique, complex person.

Each layer of you that you hide should be celebrated.

Please live, please please please live.

I really need you.

I imagine what you will

be like when you no longer need to be painfully

covered by excuses that you feel you need to make.

You don't need to make those excuses.

Exist. Just the way you are, no excuses, no explanations.

You have a right to be.

You are beautiful, inside and out.

Please come out. You don't need to hide anymore.

I love you.

Good Day

I'm so excited for Urban craft loft! Bend, OR, Gossamer, a great local yarn store. I've never been before but I guess there will be lots of handmade gifts and fun stuff AND eco friendly wrapping station. I don't really mind if my wrapping is eco friendly or not but I've found that the design of lots of eco friendly stuff is very appealing to me. :)

So Chris and I went on a date last night! SO Fun. We went to China Sun buffet. Buffets, I've learned, are the anti-weight watcher. I'm only taking a little bit of each thing. On each plate. Three times. I'm scared to weigh myself! Lol. Eh, that's life. I've lost 33 pounds so far, so I want to keep on keeping on, but not deprive myself. It's a balance.

After we went to China Sun, we went to Michael's. Chris patiently waited for an hour while while I shopped. This is what I got:

The blue yarn and double pointed needles are so I can learn to make socks. The red yarn in the right top is for my mom's christmas gift. I haven't figured out what I'm making her yet but I thought of her when I saw that yarn.

The 2 reddish Patons yarns on the left bottom are wool for myself. I'm not sure what I'll make, maybe a scarf. Some beautiful damask ribbon and stitch markers. The purple yarn on the right is for a gift for my dear friend, Jessica. It's a short scarf that has a button to keep it around. The buttons on the bottom right are the ones I chose. One for my own scarf I made and the other for Jessica.

A very delightful haul, indeed.

Writing Songs by Myself in the Morning

Good morning.

I had an amazing time with Jesus on Monday. Oh, how he's faithful. He did heart surgery on me, too. I sang to him for a long time and laid on my bed with my guitar and cried and asked him to change me. I didn't mind where in my heart he worked, as long as He did.

He did.

He took away my terrible attitude that had been like a poison in me every tuesday and thursday morning, 10:15 to 11:55am. There is only 1 class left before finals, but he made Tuesday actually fun.

What a high with the Lord. I know it seems like a little thing, but it's big. Jesus took a really ugly piece of me and made it beautiful.

So, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised when there's a huge stumbling block waiting for me. I fell into it. And now I feel like I've just made every part of me ugly. This is a throw back to my last post like this a few months ago. Back into the pit, it seems I always end up here.

I went to bed with a broken heart and woke up under a waterfall of guilt.

It's such a strange predicament I'm in. I know Jesus died on the cross with my shame like a robe and my guilt like a crown. I clothed him with those sins and he clothes me with His blood. My guilt makes his face run red and his red makes me look righteous in exchange. It's not fair, I'm so sorry, Jesus.

Oh, how precious is the flow that makes me white as snow. No other fount I know, nothing but the blood of Jesus.

I feel broken-hearted and ashamed of myself. I see my guilt on Jesus' cross, I can picture myself like Mary who washed His feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. I feel like I know that desperation.

I learned about alabaster boxes yesterday. As part of a dowry in Jesus' time, each young woman when she reached marrying age would be given an alabaster box filled with precious ointment. The box represented her family's wealth. When she found the one to marry, she would break the box at his feet and anoint him with the precious oil. It signified her sacrifice for him and becoming one with Him. No one knew the price of Mary's oil in her box. I don't know if she ever married on earth, but she used her alabaster box on Jesus. She poured out for Him. I want to, too.

Lord, I don't have oil to anoint you with, just my tears.

Ingredients for Rachel's Tears

1tsp regret

1 heaping cup of guilt

1 tbsp of shame

2 cups of thankfulness

Add Hope, to taste.

I know my tears are worth something to Jesus. As I sit here and type and cry in my bedroom, guitar on bed, home alone, I know that my tears aren't wasted. I wish I could see Jesus here with me catching each one and putting it in his bottle.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in

your bottle.You have recorded each one in your book. ps 56:8

This morning when I woke up, I remembered the verse that says there is healing in his wings... Malachi 4:2 says

"But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall."

I have to remember that God isn't surprised by my natural ability to fall. I was born into this world with a handicap toward sin. He's not surprised. He knows my heart. He knows that I want to walk with Him in purity and righteousness and be one with my Heavenly Bridegroom.

Jesus has redemption for me. I may have fallen but I am not defined by my fall, I am defined by His picking me up. We're going to keep going, Jesus and I. I will be on the other side of this valley and oh, what a joyous day it will be.

God is faithful, and I surrender all to Him.

I may be a mess Lord but you have a thing for messes. I know you love me, help me accept Your forgiveness and get up again. Take my tears, Jesus, and let these be the last tears of this kind.

Love, Rachel