Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit have been showing me kindnesses lately. I picture them as little baskets of goodness dropped from heaven that float down to me, held up by little parachutes. I have felt so refreshed by these kisses of goodness that I know come from my Heavenly Father.
The first thing in this series of kindnesses has come in the form of hours at work. In June, I really overextended myself financially. I didn't even keep track of my spending and ended up wasting nearly $400 on extra stuff, beyond our necessities. Some things were one time expenses like stuff we needed for our bicycles. But most of that $400 came from stupid things like...oh, 20 coffees? at least 4 or 5 expensive meals out? I honestly didn't take care of our budget and we got broke! I still feel like we're recovering from that. However, in the midst of my stupidity, the Lord has reached out to me. It came in the form of meetings at work that would mean coming to work 45 minutes early. Then, there was a paid holiday which led to a busy week which meant not only was I working more than my 34.75 hours a week, I actually earned 1.75 hours of overtime! The Lord has been graciously giving me opportunities to work in the job he has provided for me.
He also gave me a makeup gig for my lovely friend Kara who got married last week. That was another $40 in my pocket. Thank you, Jesus.
The next little kindness was a coupon card that my coworker gave to me. Yes, to others this might seem like a small thing. But it was one of those coupons that you buy for $10 from the boyscouts and they have "buy one, get one free"s on pretty much EVERYPLACEIEVERWANTTOGO. She just gave it to me to be kind. And that blessed me.
The next parachute that fell graciously in my lap was another small-but-big something. Another coworker had won a $25 Dutch Bros gift card at a baby shower she and I went to. She had bought a couple coffees with it but decided she didn't like DBros. "Oh, I'll give it to my husband," she said and then thought a moment before handing it to me. "Really? Are you sure?" I asked, hesitant to take something her hubby could enjoy. "No, I'm sure, you have it." She said. We hugged and I thanked her for giving me about $19 in free coffee. That's more money in our pockets to make up for my foolishness and also provide for a coffee habit that is unavoidable.
What a simple and kind act of generosity.
Today I went to Weight Watchers. A new meeting for me, as I usually go on Saturday mornings but can hardly stomach the 7am alarm that wakes me after usually a long tiring week. I tried to convince Chris to insist I stay home and hang out with him before work, but instead, he insisted I go to weight watchers. He's not pushy in the slightest about my weight loss ambitions. In actuality, he is the first person to make me feel beautiful and perfect in the body I live in. HOwever, he understands how important a healthy weight is to a long life. So begrudgingly, I went.
Now, the leader of this meeting was always a little fruity - or so I thought. Back in 2009 in Round 1 of WW, she had seemed like a new ager with lots of crazy ideas.. I realized today that I was mistaken. My second journey with WW has not been so successful. No fault to the plan as I know it to work fabulously if you actually....well, follow the plan. I've been paying monthly since January of this year and have managed to lose...oh wait, excuse me, I mistyped. I've managed to GAIN 3 pounds. Yep, $40 per month to go to weight watchers and gain weight. Woopee!
I've wrestled with the I-should-just-quit-this-stupid-thing-i-cant-do-it-anyway's. But I know if I quit, I'll never ever lose this weight. So I went back. The leader had been visiting with a guy ahead of me and she seemed genuinely interested and caring in regards to his situation. So when I went up to weigh in, I explained my journey so far. In 2009, I lost 40 pounds with Weight Watchers. It seemed so easy then. I lived at home, worked 20 hours a week and went to school part time. Life was easy-peasy. Then in 2010, I maintained during my 6 month engagement and then promptly began gaining the weight back. Now that it's July 2011, I've gained about 23 pounds back of that 40 that I lost. I didn't expect myself to feel so fragile when I began explaining this to Anne, the leader. But I felt tears start to sting my eyes as I faced how hopeless I was feeling. "I just can't seem to get my head in the game this time. My life is so much different now." That's the truth. I'm married, I live on my own and work a nearly-full time job while going to school. My laundry is overtaking my life and I simply can't seem to find the mental energy to watch what I eat. Anne just smiled at me, her gray eyes twinkling. "What you need to internalize, Rachel, is that you aren't the same person now that you were then." It's going to be different this time since she's right - the eyes I look through now see things far differently than they did back in 2009. Anne encouraged me to go back to the basics: "What does that mean for you, Rachel?" I thought for a moment...."Tracking? I used to be really good at it." Anne encouraged me to write down what I was eating, regardless of point values. "Just write it down. For those of you starting at Ground Zero, simply writing down what you eat and leaving the points values off, this will be a good place for you to start."
Anne shared with me so much gentleness, understanding and encouragement. She didn't make me feel guilty for not following the plan or for feeling helpless. She commended me for showing up, for not quitting and for taking a breath before starting again. "Keep coming," she encouraged me. Anne's kindness felt like it came straight from the generous hand of my Father. I needed that today and he generously showed me the kindness I needed so desperately.
Anne introduced me to the group at the meeting. Mostly old people with kind faces. One woman said, as Anne introduced me, "Oh she's so cute!" !!!!! What a kind thing to say! Anne agreed saying, "That's what I told her, she's looks so happy!" - "She's glowing!" another person said. Wow! So many kind words. They felt like salve on my fragile heart. Those words floated down to me in the parachute from heaven. Kindness fell in my lap.
I am so grateful for Jesus, for God my Father and for my friend and comforter, the Holy Spirit. I don't often think of them as 3 but I find comfort in understanding the roles that each part of this Triune God play. I feel loved by God today. "I love you, Rachel." He says to me. "I haven't forgotten you and I will take care of you." What a rich blessing, Lord. I am so grateful that this is the God I serve.
There's a really awesome song on the radio right now that has been ministering to me this week. Here are the lyrics to "Yes" by John Waller.
Ask, it shall be given to you
Seek and you will find
Knock and the door will open
And that's a promise
He said He'll finish the work He started in you
Your needs He will supply
He'll never leave you nor forsake you
And that's a promise
It's a guarantee
It's a beautiful thing
He delights to keep His word
God says yes to His promises Take Him at His word Yeah, you can believe it God says yes to a child-like faith When we claim everything He died to give God says yesHe said, come all you weary ones
And He will give you rest
His strength is perfect in our weakness
And that's a promise
My prayer for you this week is that the Lord will surprise and delight you with His goodness, and that you will truly know that He cares for you.
