Emotionally Wrung Out

Good and Bad today. :)

It started baddish, I woke up with a painful kink in my neck that's lasted all day. 

However, I got to lay in bed for a few hours, reading. I LOVE reading. :) 

Then, Chris came over with coffee. What a delight! He brightens everything up. :)

When my mom came home from her lunch break, we went a saw a desk we saw on Craigslist. A  no go. Not the quality I want. :p Oh well, the Lord will provide the perfect thing. :) 

We went to the chiropractor and he cranked on my neck & back. It feels so strange, like someones breaking your neck since it crack-crack-cracks. :) It feels a little better and I'm on the road to neck recovery. :) 

Then...drama started.

With the Anchor, the bible study we've started, one of the girls was rude today, then when all three of us got together, Angie* was saying "I tell the truth, how it is, to anybody. It doesn't matter who it is, I tell the truth." about how she was offended because no one told her where we were meeting (Because no one had decided!) I told her, since she would tell anyone the truth, that that day, she had hurt my feelings by being rude to me about not knowing where we were meeting. I guess me telling her she hurt my feelings was too much for her to handle because she stormed off and left almost crying. 

It was very strange. 

I know that the Lord is the author of our college group and if Angie isn't supposed to be in leadership, then she won't be. 

It was very frustrating and emotionally tolling. If we're not able to discuss openly how we all feel, not regarding one person's feelings as more important as the others, then it's not right.

Lord, I ask for Your forgiveness for my part in the negative stuff that happened today. God, will You do your will in this situation? Let hearts be convicted and mended. 

*sigh*

I've been reading "All I Need is Jesus (and a good pair of Jeans)" by Susanna Aughtmon. It's been a blessing!

I love reading :) 

Lord, finish Your work in me. I feel undone. :) I love You

In Jesus' Name

Amen :) 

This is a Beginning

God's providing everything, he's making things happen. This is a beginning. :) 

Chris graduated.

Chris got a job.

Chris moved to Bend.

I have more hours at work.

Im finishing the term.

Im released from the bondage of an old hurt, a poison of unforgiveness.

Today has been a little hard. It shows that even the best things are hard sometimes. But hard doesn't mean that they aren't the very best things to be happening in life.

I can't wait to start my bible study with Karina and get in the word regularly. God will you provide a girl to share the study with us? i have an extra book.  :)

You're good, Lord. 

Help me trust you and help me be gracious. I love you. Remind me that this life is all about you. :) 

Psalm 57

1 Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, 
       for in you my soul takes refuge. 
       I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings 
       until the disaster has passed.

 ² I cry out to God Most High, 
       to God, who fulfills {his purpose} for me.

 ³ He sends from heaven and saves me, 
       rebuking those who hotly pursue me; 
       Selah 
       God sends his love and his faithfulness.

 ⁴ I am in the midst of lions; 
       I lie among ravenous beasts— 
       men whose teeth are spears and arrows, 
       whose tongues are sharp swords.

 ⁵ Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; 
       let your glory be over all the earth.

 ⁶ They spread a net for my feet— 
       I was bowed down in distress. 
       They dug a pit in my path— 
       but they have fallen into it themselves. 
       Selah

 ⁷ My heart is steadfast, O God, 
       my heart is steadfast; 
       I will sing and make music.

 ⁸ Awake, my soul! 
       Awake, harp and lyre! 
       I will awaken the dawn.

 ⁹ I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; 
       I will sing of you among the peoples.

 ¹⁰ For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; 
       your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

 ¹¹ Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; 
       let your glory be over all the earth.

Days of Trust

Romans 15:13

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

I'm trusting the Lord again today. I found what I think is the perfect car. But my parents only can pay 800 less than they're offering it for. They love the Lord and know Ian & Kristy...maybe it's the Lord's will and will bless both of us out of this deal. Your will be done, God.  :/ I need to not worry.

Promise

Psalm 100:3, 5

 ³ Know that the LORD is God. 
       It is he who made us, and we are his\
       we are his people, the sheep of his pasture

 ⁵ For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; 
       his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Learning to Trust

So I suppose 'everyday' has now turned into 'once a week' or so?

God is good. He's been giving me joy. I've been having trouble at work and it's been hard to trust him...Sometimes it feels like he doesn't see what's going on, but I know he does. It's hard when I feel like I'm trying my best to be the perfect employee and still, I don't get treated the same as the other girls. It feels like they're thought of as better than me....:( It could all be my imagination but it's hard to remember that God knows what He's doing. So *sigh* I need to trust him.

 This is what we read today. Psalm 101.  These are my favorites from it. 

vs 1: ¹ I will sing of your love and justice, Lord.

      I will praise you with songs." (I love verses about singing because they could be my new tattoo)

vs 2 through 4:  ² I will be careful to live a blameless life—

      when will you come to help me?
   I will lead a life of integrity
      in my own home.
 ³ I will refuse to look at
      anything vile and vulgar.
   I hate all who deal crookedly;
      I will have nothing to do with them.
 ⁴ I will reject perverse ideas
      and stay away from every evil."

This really reminded me that I need to be careful what I watch. Also, I need to live a life of integrity even when no one sees, and even when no one rewards me for it. I trust that God will reward me and that he sees what I do, but it's hard to always do my best at work, to be super honest, to be really friendly, to try REALLY hard, and still feel like no one notices. So...lead a life of integrity, Rach. It's about God and you, not your silly boss. :/

Lord, help me trust you today. Help me reject the bitterness that's been trying to take root in my heart. Help me reflect you, help me trust you, and place me exactly where you want me to be, Lord. Whether that's at T Perk or not. Help me trust you, help me have joy, help me walk with you and grow and heal and learn. I love you. In Jesus' precious name, Amen. 

Trust Today

Today has been a very emotional day...thanks, uterus, Thankyou very much.

But besides that, I feel like God's really helped me trust him. I got a call

from my boss today telling me my hours were gonna get majorly cut

for next month (down from 7hrs and 12hrs a week? Yes.) and that

they "want to keep me but understand if I want to look for another job"

Yes, i do want to look for another job and compete with hundreds of other

people for the same jobs. :/ I told her that I trust her judgement hours wise

and that I love my job and want to work as much as I can. The lord really 

gave me peace in the moment and helped me not get upset about it.

I got my schedule a few hours later....I have 4 shifts. Saturday Sunday close the first weekend of the month. Then the last weekend, too. So no work for 2 weeks straight. 

Hmmm. The Lord knows what I need and it's just been in the last half hour 

or so that I've been struggling with bitterness over it a little bit. I know that

God is in control and if he wants me to have another job, then He'll open

a door and I don't have to go knocking on every one. There aren't even

jobs to knock on right now. But yes, so today has been an awesome

day of seeing God help me trust Him. I need to keep  hanging onto that

and trusting even when that feeling goes away.

On Track went well tonight. I led worship last minute and God really moved. 

There's nothing like worshipping God. I don't know why but it gives me a right

perspective of who I am (how small I am) and how big God is and how even when

life sucks, I still have a million reasons to praise Him. :) 

This was a big verse tonight. We talked about loneliness:

Jeremiah 29:10-14 

 ¹⁰ This is what the Lord says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² In those days when you pray, I will listen. ¹³ If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”

I think peace can be found in the promise that the Lord will bring me home again. That I'll find him when I seek Him. I'm not just knocking on the door of an empty house or calling to deaf ears. God really does hear me. It was also encouraging to read "I will restore your fortunes" Now, I have never gone hungry or not paid any bills (I dont have any!) but my budget seems like it might get tighter over the next month. But instead I'm going to trust that God will bring in money from all different directions and not only meet my needs, but bless me abundantly. He is good and I trust Him.

Oh, I dyed my hair brown today. I love it :) 

and I finished a new song, too. 

No matter what, remember that you're not alone. God will bring us home. He's there, he's there, he's there. I think the Lord is giving me more time so I can minister. :) And be there when people need me. :)

God, be my strength and peace. Help me tell everyone of your goodness and your faithfulness and your realness. Show yourself real to us. We need You, Lord, more than ever. I love you. In Jesus' name, Amen.