Promise

Psalm 100:3, 5

 ³ Know that the LORD is God. 
       It is he who made us, and we are his\
       we are his people, the sheep of his pasture

 ⁵ For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; 
       his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Learning to Trust

So I suppose 'everyday' has now turned into 'once a week' or so?

God is good. He's been giving me joy. I've been having trouble at work and it's been hard to trust him...Sometimes it feels like he doesn't see what's going on, but I know he does. It's hard when I feel like I'm trying my best to be the perfect employee and still, I don't get treated the same as the other girls. It feels like they're thought of as better than me....:( It could all be my imagination but it's hard to remember that God knows what He's doing. So *sigh* I need to trust him.

 This is what we read today. Psalm 101.  These are my favorites from it. 

vs 1: ¹ I will sing of your love and justice, Lord.

      I will praise you with songs." (I love verses about singing because they could be my new tattoo)

vs 2 through 4:  ² I will be careful to live a blameless life—

      when will you come to help me?
   I will lead a life of integrity
      in my own home.
 ³ I will refuse to look at
      anything vile and vulgar.
   I hate all who deal crookedly;
      I will have nothing to do with them.
 ⁴ I will reject perverse ideas
      and stay away from every evil."

This really reminded me that I need to be careful what I watch. Also, I need to live a life of integrity even when no one sees, and even when no one rewards me for it. I trust that God will reward me and that he sees what I do, but it's hard to always do my best at work, to be super honest, to be really friendly, to try REALLY hard, and still feel like no one notices. So...lead a life of integrity, Rach. It's about God and you, not your silly boss. :/

Lord, help me trust you today. Help me reject the bitterness that's been trying to take root in my heart. Help me reflect you, help me trust you, and place me exactly where you want me to be, Lord. Whether that's at T Perk or not. Help me trust you, help me have joy, help me walk with you and grow and heal and learn. I love you. In Jesus' precious name, Amen. 

Trust Today

Today has been a very emotional day...thanks, uterus, Thankyou very much.

But besides that, I feel like God's really helped me trust him. I got a call

from my boss today telling me my hours were gonna get majorly cut

for next month (down from 7hrs and 12hrs a week? Yes.) and that

they "want to keep me but understand if I want to look for another job"

Yes, i do want to look for another job and compete with hundreds of other

people for the same jobs. :/ I told her that I trust her judgement hours wise

and that I love my job and want to work as much as I can. The lord really 

gave me peace in the moment and helped me not get upset about it.

I got my schedule a few hours later....I have 4 shifts. Saturday Sunday close the first weekend of the month. Then the last weekend, too. So no work for 2 weeks straight. 

Hmmm. The Lord knows what I need and it's just been in the last half hour 

or so that I've been struggling with bitterness over it a little bit. I know that

God is in control and if he wants me to have another job, then He'll open

a door and I don't have to go knocking on every one. There aren't even

jobs to knock on right now. But yes, so today has been an awesome

day of seeing God help me trust Him. I need to keep  hanging onto that

and trusting even when that feeling goes away.

On Track went well tonight. I led worship last minute and God really moved. 

There's nothing like worshipping God. I don't know why but it gives me a right

perspective of who I am (how small I am) and how big God is and how even when

life sucks, I still have a million reasons to praise Him. :) 

This was a big verse tonight. We talked about loneliness:

Jeremiah 29:10-14 

 ¹⁰ This is what the Lord says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² In those days when you pray, I will listen. ¹³ If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”

I think peace can be found in the promise that the Lord will bring me home again. That I'll find him when I seek Him. I'm not just knocking on the door of an empty house or calling to deaf ears. God really does hear me. It was also encouraging to read "I will restore your fortunes" Now, I have never gone hungry or not paid any bills (I dont have any!) but my budget seems like it might get tighter over the next month. But instead I'm going to trust that God will bring in money from all different directions and not only meet my needs, but bless me abundantly. He is good and I trust Him.

Oh, I dyed my hair brown today. I love it :) 

and I finished a new song, too. 

No matter what, remember that you're not alone. God will bring us home. He's there, he's there, he's there. I think the Lord is giving me more time so I can minister. :) And be there when people need me. :)

God, be my strength and peace. Help me tell everyone of your goodness and your faithfulness and your realness. Show yourself real to us. We need You, Lord, more than ever. I love you. In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Sometimes the Weak Grow Strong

I started smiling for no reason while driving to school today. It really helped me feel happier. Like I had a secret to smile about (and even I didn't know what it was!) Haha. So I think that was a step in the right direction. 

This is what I've read today, out of my study of esther by beth moore.

"Satan has a theory that he's banked his entire accuser's career on: Even the strong grow weak. True enough, but this, Beloved One, is also true: Even the weak grow strong if they set their minds to it." (beth moore, esther) 

Deuteronomy 33:25 says 

"The bolts of your gates will be iron and bronze and your strength will equal your days"

I'd really like that for myself. I used to think that there was no way I could resist temptation, that I would fall and that would be my fate and I could never get over it. Things have gotten better, that's for sure. God's really showing me that I can control myself, my tongue and my actions and everything. Tonight I read in the bible study, "We need more than  a mood, We need a mindset" So I pray that the Lord will give me a mindset to stay strong, to stay pure, to stay quiet (OFTEN! my mouth sure does get me in trouble, especially at work) to stay joyful. Even when I don't feel like it.

So that's been my day. I lead a small group for bible study tomorrow night and I have day 1 of 5 finished. So that will be a lot of studying for me tomorrow. Oh, I worked on the new song I am writing today. It's coming along, coming along. :)

Lord, thankyou for your joy today. Thankyou for all that you're doing. Give me direction Lord and the strength to trust you in the regularity of everyday. I love you.

ahhh--mennn--ayyy. 

 

Walking in Limited Sight

Show me what it means to live everyday. 

"Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory." (Romans 5:1-2) (emphasis mine) 

The last few days, I've been drowning in worry and fear. I'm walking in limited mobility, hanging onto what I think I know I should fear. The future, my uncertainty, and ultimately, my huge fear of failure. Tonight, I've been in search of God's peace. My goal of "Read every peace verse in the Bible" turned into reading just that one up there.  The words confident and  joyful wouldn't be words I'd use to describe myself lately. I've been struggling with finding joy in my day to day life. "Where are you, God?!" "Where is the excitement?!" I've been saying. So i'm definitely not con (with) fident (faith) lately. Especially not in myself. And that's been leading to my lack of confidence in God. Which i don't want.

I Trust You, GOD! I believe you can do what you say! I know that I need to get my eyes off of just what I can see and onto the GREATNESS of who you are, because that I have not  forgotten, Lord I pray I NEVER forget that. 

I wrote in my journal tonight, "Don't focus on things of this world"

i could worry about everything, in light of life, I should worry about things because peace only comes from you God.  You are the only place I find peace.

Thankyou, God, for being so patient with me as I walk through this with you. Help me find beauty every day. Help me see you and seek you everyday. I don't want to live a humdrum life. I want passion for you, with you, passionate love with you. I want to find that passionate love with Chris, too, as we both seek You separately and together. I want what you have. Help me trust you. Help me trust you, Help me trust you.

Help me relax while I wait for your direction. Show me each day what to do. Help me love more, help me criticize less and encourage more. Help me look at you, look at others, look at me. In that order, God. Help me be real. Help me not have these high standards on myself. Even now, i'm thinking of what I've written here and criticizing myself and doubting any legitimacy in the things I feel. Thank you for finding importance in me. Thank you for letting me stand in undeserved privilege. Help me walk in your love and love from you. 

I lift up to you everyone I love, everyone I care about, everyone that needs You, God. Be with them tonight and speak to them and sing over them and comfort them and heal them just like You always want to. I invite you to move in them, in me, help me surrender God. I surrender everything I am to You. Everything I have. Everything I ever will be. From my heart, Lord. Show yourself even more real to you. 

I rebuke the spirit of depression and sadness that tries to overtake me. God, You are my God and forever I will seek You! In You I find my joy. I love you, I trust you. Be near, in Jesus' Name. Amen.