Today, I am grateful for...

I just wanted to say that I am grateful for:

My husband who was purposefully kind and good to me yesterday (and today too, but he started yesterday.) I am blessed to have a husband that cares for me and loves the Lord.

My new job, even with its difficulties. I found out if I work over 16 hours a week, I get paid a very good wage hourly. I'm grateful for God putting us in this position and I know that He will give us the strength we need to do the job.

My new bosses, Cindy and Dale. I know God is going to use them to teach me a lot and I hope and pray I can be a blessing to them and show the love of Jesus to them.

My family. My mom sends me encouragement texts every morning. It's a wonderful thing to wake up to.

My new phone. Thanks, Tosha, for selling us your old phone for a very fair price.

Our T-mobile credit that took $9.99 off our bill for this month. Little things like that really encourage me.

Chris's job. He's off to work now and I'm so glad he gets to work in an environment where God is given glory and magnified. I pray that today He will be blessed in everything He does, that He'll be anointed to serve and bless everyone he encounters, that he will support the manager and encourage him, and lead the other employees that he "assistant manages." and encourage them today.

Our new Christmas tree. Pictures coming soon. I got it for $3.75 at a thrift store.

The ornaments on our new tree. They've come from my mom, the thrift store and from a lady who randomly gave them to my mom to give out to "new couples that need them." Isn't it like God to bless me with free ornaments? How silly and wonderful that He cares about those details in our lives.

Christmas Break. I am officially done with class until the start of January. Praise the Lord for getting me through another term! Just 2 more to go until I have my AAOT.

More money than we anticipated this month. Praise the Lord that we could afford to pay our very high electric bill (Darn you, winter!) our cell phone bills and my foolish credit card that I pray God will give me wisdom and self control NOT to use!

Knitting. I picked up my knitting for the first time in about 6 months. It feels good to have yarn in my hands again.

World of Warcraft. I never thought I would say it, but I started playing with my hubby and it's really fun. I am also starting to better understand why boys like the game. I can ask him more specific questions and I am actually interested this time around. :) Who knows if I'll keep playing but thank you, Jesus, for new perspective.

My wonderful friends that encourage me. Hannah, my bread fairy. Chelsea, my coffee fairy. Karina who always encourages me at just the right time. Abby, who always has the right thing to say and makes me feel like the coolest girl in the world. Jessica, whose silliness is refreshing and reminds me to acknowledge the Lord in everything I do.

My first pair of knit socks on my feet. These are my favorite socks and I finally accomplished the "sock mountain" that I was so worried about climbing. i have 1 more sock almost done, then 1 more to do, and i'll have my second pair.

Lord, you made it so we could pay all our bills this month, even with the ones that were unexepected. Psalm 36:5-10

⁵ Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens,

your faithfulness to the skies.

⁶ Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,

your justice like the great deep.

You, LORD, preserve both people and animals.

⁷ How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!

People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

⁸ They feast on the abundance of your house;

you give them drink from your river of delights.

⁹ For with you is the fountain of life;

in your light we see light.

¹⁰ Continue your love to those who know you,

your righteousness to the upright in heart.

Walking in Limited Sight

Show me what it means to live everyday. 

"Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory." (Romans 5:1-2) (emphasis mine) 

The last few days, I've been drowning in worry and fear. I'm walking in limited mobility, hanging onto what I think I know I should fear. The future, my uncertainty, and ultimately, my huge fear of failure. Tonight, I've been in search of God's peace. My goal of "Read every peace verse in the Bible" turned into reading just that one up there.  The words confident and  joyful wouldn't be words I'd use to describe myself lately. I've been struggling with finding joy in my day to day life. "Where are you, God?!" "Where is the excitement?!" I've been saying. So i'm definitely not con (with) fident (faith) lately. Especially not in myself. And that's been leading to my lack of confidence in God. Which i don't want.

I Trust You, GOD! I believe you can do what you say! I know that I need to get my eyes off of just what I can see and onto the GREATNESS of who you are, because that I have not  forgotten, Lord I pray I NEVER forget that. 

I wrote in my journal tonight, "Don't focus on things of this world"

i could worry about everything, in light of life, I should worry about things because peace only comes from you God.  You are the only place I find peace.

Thankyou, God, for being so patient with me as I walk through this with you. Help me find beauty every day. Help me see you and seek you everyday. I don't want to live a humdrum life. I want passion for you, with you, passionate love with you. I want to find that passionate love with Chris, too, as we both seek You separately and together. I want what you have. Help me trust you. Help me trust you, Help me trust you.

Help me relax while I wait for your direction. Show me each day what to do. Help me love more, help me criticize less and encourage more. Help me look at you, look at others, look at me. In that order, God. Help me be real. Help me not have these high standards on myself. Even now, i'm thinking of what I've written here and criticizing myself and doubting any legitimacy in the things I feel. Thank you for finding importance in me. Thank you for letting me stand in undeserved privilege. Help me walk in your love and love from you. 

I lift up to you everyone I love, everyone I care about, everyone that needs You, God. Be with them tonight and speak to them and sing over them and comfort them and heal them just like You always want to. I invite you to move in them, in me, help me surrender God. I surrender everything I am to You. Everything I have. Everything I ever will be. From my heart, Lord. Show yourself even more real to you. 

I rebuke the spirit of depression and sadness that tries to overtake me. God, You are my God and forever I will seek You! In You I find my joy. I love you, I trust you. Be near, in Jesus' Name. Amen.